Madden Mischief

Are you as sick as I am hearing this same question asked over and over in those TV commercials in which effervescent and congenial respondents happily and proudly answer: “Yes, I’m a certified financial planner.”   Then all relief breaks out as we see the anxious questioner finally able to smile.

Yes, immediately that answer makes the tense questioner feel the true relief of knowing he’s finally in the presence of someone “certified,” whatever the hell that means beyond sounding almost spiritually consoling, impressively reassuring that there’s ample reason to have the utmost confidence and to finally relax! 

But it raises this question.  Should you relax just knowing someone is certified?  No matter how bright and confident their smile, should someone just saying they’re “certified” be sufficient for you to answer any questions they might ask, tell them whatever they want to know, expect to hear from them the best advice on how to make more money, then safely put that money to work to enable you to one day retire wealthy?

I suggest that if someone says they’re a certified financial planner, the next question you should ask them is “what’s your net worth!” 

That might be a bit too aggressive, however. There are more discrete ways to gauge how financially competent they are than just by announcing they’re certified, which only means they’re legally capable of advising you on financial matters, not how good they are at it.  So, big deal!

How about asking what’s their track record?  How much money have they helped their clients make?   That’s the certification that matters, results!  So, I say we probe more than just asking if someone’s certified, and that goes for other professionals too, especially lawyers, except attorneys with sterling and impeccable reputations such as Peter Ticktin, currently under consideration for Attorney General.

You might say “Oh, I can see you’re well certified to practice law here in Florida, that’s great.  How much money have you won for your clients lately?   Any seven figure awards?”  Those are what you might say are the more apt inquiries to conjure future results.   

And before hooking up with say a dentist, unless it’s a dental maestro like a Dr. Tim Viner in Boca Raton, you might say something like “Oh, I see on the wall you’re a certified dentist, but how about letting me see a nice wide smile so I can check out how good your teeth look, and then would you mind biting down on this strip please, so I can check your bite?  Or maybe just notice how nicely they smile.

I’m joking, of course, but I still say let’s put all these diplomas, licenses and certificates out to lunch when choosing a professional for whatever service or advice. Better to begin by counting and measuring results so you’ll only retain dentists with excellent teeth, attorneys who are respected members of the bar, and were never behind bars, and the most financially successful financial planners.

And I’m so glad that you were 100% certified to read this.  Thank you.  Now you can relax in your knowing I’m a super certified blogger. 

Tom Madden is also a certified author of books and countless articles he can certify were published and distributed across the country.  When not writing, he’s managing his PR firm TransMedia Group along with daughter Adrienne Mazzone, the firm’s president.   Before launching the firm, Madden was vice president, assistant to the CEO at NBC in New York City, then Fred Silverman, whom Madden also assisted at ABC before they both jumped ship and went over to NBC together just up Sixth Avenue a few certified blocks.