I want to register a formal complaint against NPR station WLRN for programming that’s over-the-top absorbing, much too captivating and flagrantly addictive to drivers like me in sunny, sometimes too sunny, South Florida. 

But to whom do I complain? The FTC?  The FCC?  The CIA?  Gov. DeSantis?

What’s the appropriate federal government agency to contact regarding this station’s overly compelling programming that becomes so irresistible and habit-forming, especially to motorists like me?

WLRN 91.3 FM’s programs like the recent panel discussion on net neutrality for what’s become so paramount in our lives today, the Internet, is a perfect example.  How do you stop and alight from your car during such an involving program? 

The discussion probes whether there should there be exceptions to total net neutrality or enforcement of all internet providers to treat everyone alike, show no favoritism for those able and willing to pay more. 

Should the FCC draw a clear line of open access to what’s so essential to the rich and poor alike in our society today?  Aren’t we all so internet dependent?

How can I leave my car while in earshot of such a discussion?   It’s unfair, I tell you!

By keeping us in our cars longer than necessary, WLRN’s programs may be hurting our environment, contributing to climate change, like last week’s interview with author Scott Eyman about his new book about a cinematic hero of mine, Charlie Chaplin, Charlie Chaplin Vs. America: When Art, Sex, and Politics Collided. 

Until I heard this noontime interview of Eyman by Terry Gross on Fresh Air, I never knew Chaplin was exiled or his films banned because he satirized Hitler and poked fun of conveyer-belt capitalism.  I had to stay parked in Duffy’s parking lot for nearly a half hour, for as hungry as I was, I couldn’t break away from this program.

Yes, WLRN is keeping me on overdrive, parked in garages or outside of restaurants much longer than I need to be, or want to be, especially with an appetite like mine.

But what can I do?  I keep hearing programs that I’m sure are intended to hook listeners like me on intriguing subjects that coral us in our cars, no matter our schedules or appetites.

And now I’m hooked and can’t stop listening to WLRN whenever I drive to wherever I think I’m going.  Thanks to fascinating programs, it’s going to take much longer.

So Federal Communications Commission, please do something.  So, when I’m getting all these addictive earfuls, I don’t have to keep running out of gas, then putting more carbon emissions into an already overpacked ozone layer.  

May God forgive you WLRN.  I wonder what station He listens to. 

Meanwhile, what’s WLRN featuring tomorrow?    I can’t wait to drive somewhere!

Tom Madden drives people nuts with his humor, especially in books he writes, like King of the Condo, a satirical whodunit with an ocean view. 
The book was based on his tormented life as president of a condo in South Palm Beach, from which he was forced to flee as residents there were so enraged over his special assessment, they wanted to string him up.   
When he’s not writing books or running from angry mobs, he’s CEO of the public relations firm, TransMedia Group, headquartered in Boca Raton, where he lives with his Brazilian wife, Rita