This pandemic has made many of us overweight, or to put it more geographically, we’re a fatter Nation.  Here’s my broccoli-filled strategy to rescue Americans who are looking more and more rotunda working virtually or just existing at home not far from those fattening refrigerators?

Forced to stay home so much hiding from COVID, many of us have turned to eating for fun and recreation, sometimes just to kill time.   And what’s that doing to us?  It’s killing our waistlines, sending them well beyond their borders.

This is why I started “Make Food Boring” www.makefoodboring.com.  And I intend to market boring food tips, monotonous recipes and dull desserts.  Go to the website and see if it doesn’t put your tastebuds to sleep.

What are we eating that’s so bad for us?  Too often, the most comfortable comfort foods we can find.  Mine is pistachio ice cream.  I’ve made several containers of it disappear.  I won’t say what size were the containers.

And then washing down a delicious meal with another waist destroyer, alcohol.

It got so bad I couldn’t eat without starting with a vodka cocktail, followed by several glasses of Chateau St. Michel merlot with lunch and later with dessert, my favorite Cranberry Pistachio Biscotti, so divine dipped in the wine. 

Sometimes feeling a bit bloated, I’d sip and sniff a cognac or two.

Now my wife, Rita, is from Brazil, so she’s naturally a great cook. Knows nutrition.  In my quest to lose weight, however, I have had to reign in her greatness. 

She now has me eating pounds of the best weapon against obesity, that green veggie President Bush senior so publicly berated, broccoli.

So, now my amor acquiesces to my boring strategy to eat less by making my food boring as possible. In the battle against calories, sameness is my sanctuary.  She purposely serves me almost the same soup day after day packed with broccoli, or sometimes beans, which are very good for you, along with a half sandwich and a tall glass of H2O.  Occasionally on rare occasions, I’ll have a seltzer with a touch of lime flavor.  This way I won’t’get the DP’s, diet paranoia. 

Rita fortunately can eat whatever she wants as she has no weight problem.  Being much more physically active, and with obviously marvelous metabolism, she can eat whatever, God bless her.  And you know what Brazilian’s love most? Steak! 

So do I, but it’s way too exciting for my taste buds.

Now I’ve been on this boring diet for three long boring weeks, but it’s working!

I’m so thrilled to report I’ve regained my youthful figure and was just offered a leading role in a new romantic comedy film co-starring Doris “Don’t East the Daisies” Day.

So, nice and slim, I’m off to Hollywood . . . until Rita wakes me up, and hands me a glass of water to take my cholesterol pill. 

Oh, how boring!

As Rex Harrison might sing in “My Fair Stomach” . . .

Let fattening food in your life

And you’ll invite eternal strife.

I’d be equally as willing for dentist doc Viner’s drilling

Than to ever let fattening food in my life!

The Strategic WealthAdvisor®️ CEO, Nancy J. Hite, CFP®️ and Fiduciary, responded to this article pointing out that Doris Day died in May 2019 and diet is a negative word.  “How about eating everything you like, but on a smaller plate with no seconds,” she suggested. “You will lose weight and it will not be boring.  Negative words such as DIETING, are not what we need in this age of MASKING, VACCINATION, LOCK DOWN.  Dieting is just another negative.”  

I answered saying:  Doris still is very much alive in my imagination and on TCM.  If you really like what you’re eating, second helpings are too tempting and you overeat. This is all exaggeration of course, but it does make a point, though intentionally not a very appetizing one.

Besides an inveterate blogger, Tom Madden is an author of countless published articles and five books, including his latest, WORDSHINE MAN, available next month on Amazon.   He is the founder and CEO of TransMedia Group, an award-winning public relations firm serving clients worldwide since 1981 and has conducted remarkably successful media campaigns and crisis management for America’s largest companies and organizations.