An excerpt from my upcoming new book about Internet Dating titled “Love Boat 78” published by Mascot Books.
I’m sure you’ve heard of Haiti. But how aboutEighty? That alluring, perfectly serine and inviting Isle of Eighty?
I hear Eighty is a lovely laid-back escape. Great place to visit, but do we really want to live there?
Well, my love boat seems to be headed in that direction, thanks to Dr. Murphy lowering my cholesterol and keeping my blood pressure under control. So there’s a good chance I might be seeing Eighty.
So why am I so down in the dumps over it?
Shouldn’t going to Eighty be viewed as an achievement? A milestone? Not everyone makes it there, right? It’s a golf resort, but I don’t play golf. It’s where you go to relax, but I seldom relax. On Eighty you take it easy, unwind, drink wine.
So why don’t I find Eighty elating?
I’ll tell one thing, my dates are not interested at all in vacationing there or settling down with me there. Even though I’m in tip-top shape, full ofenergy and still fairly attractive, my dates findEighty, just the number alone, repulsive and uninviting, which kind of anchors my Love Boat.
Some of my friends think I should maybe go to a place right next door to Eighty, called Retirety, but I can’t see myself on permanent vacation there either.
I still have muscles, hair, energy, intellect.
No, I think I want to stay actively working, creating and producing. And writing books.
I don’t see myself sinking into a lounge chair just yet, curling up with a good book, even one as readable Love Boat 78 or my previous book: “Is there enough Brady in Trump to win the inSUPERable BOWL?” also available on Amazon. No, I’m not the type to nod off in mid- afternoon. Not me! No way, Jose.
So I’ve been thinking about this far off placeEighty where I’m bound to go someday, but just to visit. And I’ve come up with some things to do there.
1. If anybody comes at me with a birthday cake with enough candles on it to start a forest fire, I’ll pretend to doze off.
2. If I forget someone’s name, I’ll give them a big hug and say how wonderful it is to see them while I still have my eyesight.
3. Instead of slow dancing with women overeighty, I’ll rock with 30-year-olds.
4. I’ll be sure to keep my flies zipped, teeth flossed, hair combed and shirt fronts stainless.
Well I guess that’s it. Time for a nap? Another game of pinochle?
Hell no. My friend, I’m going to work just like I do every day at my busy PR firm in bustling Boca,TransMedia Group! For the time being I’ll stick that Isle of Eighty brochure in a drawer.
So out of my way, sonny boy. I’m not even close to retiring yet. Thankfully, I have business to do, ideas to conjure, concepts to develop, books to write and girls to . . . well you know what.
Forget permanently vacationing on the sunnyIsle of Eighty. It’s just a number, not a retirement home.