Here’s a snippet of a suggestive, sub rosa conversation I had recently with a woman with whom I “connected” in that globally crowded pick-up bar, Club Internet.
Our affair, I mean our Internet encounter, occurred on the business platform, LinkedIn, hardly a dating service.
To protect the innocent, I’ll call her Emily. Here is the actual, and I mean to the letter, conversation that began beautifully, but is ending in digital divorce.
- Emily sends the following message to me at 6:55 AM
Tom, Thank you for the invitation to connect. I’d like to learn what inspired you to do so. I welcome the opportunity to learn more about what you do and potential opportunities to support one another in business. Here’s my calendar. Wishing you much success, Emily
- I send the following message back to her at 7:02 AM:
Welcome and you might like to check out my blog at MaddenMischief.com where this is the latest entry: MIGHT BE YOUR LUCKY DAY! https://maddenmischief.com/2018/12/14/if-you-watched-pelosi-schumer-and-the-president-arguing-in-the-white-house-you-may-be-entitled-to-compensation/ What inspired me about you? I think it was what you do and I wouldn’t discount what you look like. Call me and we’ll discuss business.
- Emily sends back the following message at 7:36 AM
I’m afraid that may not happen due to your comment about my looks. While I appreciate the compliment, it is totally inappropriate for business and I am certain my husband of 30+ years would not approve.
Feeling a little Weinsteiny, I respond to her at 9:09 AM:
Wow, no sense of humor? One of my businesses is a talent agency, a division of my PR firm, TransMedia Group, and I’ve come to appreciate that attractive people tend to be more successful in business, unless of course they’re humorless. You actually thought I was flirting? Too bad. Sorry. 😥
Emily responds at 9:47 AM
I actually do have a great sense of humor. The fact that I don’t know you and we’ve never met left me feeling a bit uncomfortable and unsure. Trust me, I’ve had a few creepers reach out to me through LinkedIn…you did not give me that sense with your initial request to connect, but I do appreciate your honesty.
I respond at 10:01 AM
Actually, it was your business that attracted me. (please don’t tell your husband it “attracted me”). You see my PR firm represents several motivational speakers whom we book on TV as well as at events and I thought your book title was cute (erase “cute”). Didn’t mean to be forward. I don’t want your hubby to think I’m a sex fiend. No, I’m a Quaker originally from Philadelphia, not far from where you live. Sorry if I upset you.
- Emily sends the following message at 11:35 AM
Thank you. I appreciate you not being a creep! What part of Philly are you from? I would like to know more about your company. Would it be possible to schedule a call after Jan. 1st? Emily
SCHEDULE A CALL? NOW SHE WANTS TO SCHEDULE A CALL? WHERE’S THIS LEADING? WHO DOES EMILY THINK I AM? HORNY HARVEY? I DON’T WANT TO BREAK UP A HAPPY MARRIAGE OF 30-PLUS YEARS.
NO, I’LL FILE FOR A QUICK DIGITAL DIVORCE. DISCONNECT. UNLINK. SORRY I EVER INVITED HER TO CONNECT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
HMMMM. JUST SAW A VERY ATTRACTIVE REDHEAD ON LINKEDIN. I THINK I’LL ASK HER TO CONNECT. SHE’S A LAWYER. I LOVE LAWYERS.
MAYBE I’LL HIRE HER FOR MY DIGITAL DIVORCE FROM EMILY!