When I see hallways in oceanfront condos wearing carpets, it makes me think of wearing your fur coat to the beach. Impractical, right?
So why aren’t carpets in oceanfront Florida condos just as unfashionable?
Here we are living placidly, but precariously on an oft-soggy peninsula mostly at sea-level. We’re bordered to the west by the Gulf of Mexico and to the east by the Atlantic Ocean, and to the south by the Straits of Florida and Cuba.
An idyllic location and climate for carpets? Hardly!
Does it make sense to have carpets right next to the ocean in a tropical-storm-prone place like Florida? Hardly!!
Wouldn’t a natural stone or tile be easier to maintain? Wouldn’t surfaces be much less likely to collect and breed mold spores in dank, humid tropical weather during the power outages that inevitably occur in hurricane season?
Carpets are only going to get damp and smelly after storms hit and power goes out for prolonged periods like it did after Irma, Wilma, Andrew and a bunch of other hurricanes that seem attracted to The Sunshine State and surrounding islands. Poor Puerto Rico. I pray for you.
Here we are sitting ducks at the end of a summer lane that becomes a bowling alley, and we’re the ten pins. So you want to carpet the bowling alley?
Talk about draining the swamp. If you think Washington, DC is political, wait until you live in a Florida condo and attend a board meeting. I wrote about it in one of my earlier books, “King of the Condo,” a must read if you’re thinking of buying a condo or renting one. I tell a chilling story for those poor souls like me who already live in one. Preferring satire, it’s a whodunit with an ocean view as condo commandos plot to assassinate the condo president. Me!
It seems carpets are the politically correct floor covering in Florida. I know because I’ve raised this issue at my condo and most just look at me like I’m a fish out of water. Only they’re the fish who don’t realize they’re living in a carpeted fishbowl.
One resident argues that carpets are necessary because older residents are prone to falling and carpets make for a softer landing. I respond that I didn’t know we’re an assisted living facility . . . yet! Okay, you want to make it a health issue?
Consider that carpets are prone to cause breathing and asthma problems as they tend to harbor allergens or worse, mold spores, when they get damp during our perennial power outages like after Irma.
Here’s how Shakespeare would phrase it had he lived in a carpeted condo:
Out out brief carpets. You’re nothing more than illusions.
Condo dwellers strut and fret for their hour on the oceanfront.
Life is a condominium tale full of noise and emotional disturbance
Devoid of meaning much as are carpets in hallways on the ocean.
(Madden’s latest book “Is there enough Brady in Trump to win the inSUPERable BOWL?” on Amazon)