There’s a part of me that twinges when Trump tweets. Yet there’s another part of me that says good, they deserve what they get for saying such awful things about our President, including comments about his mental stability. Lately I’m seeing cable networks coming unglued in devoting such inordinate coverage to his tweets. It’s reaching a point that they’re dominating news cycles, upstaging more important domestic and world events. What’s the happy medium here? To find out, perhaps some satire is in order. So come with me to Tweet Police Headquarters.
It’s early Monday morning at Tweet Police Headquarters in Washington, DC.
Tweet’s largest control room is mostly empty, but for a handful of Tweeter cops hunched over control panels anxiously waiting to pounce on the President’s next Tweet.
You can almost feel the tension in the room as President Trump’s in a twitter war with Morning Joe. His next tweet will undoubtedly lead that day’s network news cycle. The control room looks like a combination of CNN Center in Atlanta and KGB headquarters in Moscow.
Hovering behind them is a short, barrel-shaped, restless-looking man in a pinstriped blue police uniform. He’s Tweet’s chief of Operation Outrage, Jeff Mudrucker.
The chief’s eyes are still a bit puffy and bloodshot from all the gin fizzes, guffawing and giddiness at Anderson Snooper’s celebration party last night. The tweet cops were celebrating the latest round of Trump’s faux pas tweets dominating news cycles.
Suddenly the phone rings. It’s Tweet Department’s tireless cop on the tweet beat, Jake Zapper.
Hello Jake, what’s Ivan the Terrible Trump tweeting now?
You won’t believe this, Chief. We got him cold this time. He’ll never recover from this one. It’s a beauty, chief!
Great, said Mudrucker, his eyes suddenly bulging with delight.
If it’s okay with you, Chief, we’ll put aside North Korea’s attack on Seoul, ISIS recapturing Mosul and Senate’s passing the health care bill.
Absolutely, the chief concurred. Lead with Trump’s latest tweet that hopefully was off the charts. So what did he tweet this time, asked the chief coming close to licking his lips with delight.
He calls Meeka’s facelift . . . get this . . . a fake.
That’s right, Chief. We’ll faking bury him with this. We’ll get Dana Basher, Gloria, Brianna on a three-hour prime time special analysis of this latest example of sexist trumpeting from The White House.
Go, and don’t forget Erin, she’ll eat him alive, but forget Van Jones.
Yes, Van thinks collusion with Russia is a nothingburger. Can you believe that? I’m going to try to arrange for him to eat at McDonalds the rest of his life and Kellyanne Conway can flip his nothingburgers for him.