We Americans Can Sell Ice to Retired Eskimos

Boy, are we ever good at sales.  America is the birthplace of freedom and democracy and one other outstanding attribute—salesmanship. 

We Americans can sell anything to anybody.  Our slogan could be Make America’s Economy Robust Again, and a majority of us Americans will stand in lines outside for hours during a raging blizzard to vote for it.  Amen, are we ever believers. 

Look at this tax reform bill that elating Republicans and depressing Democrats.  I defy you to tell me what’s really in it.  I doubt if its proponents and opponents know themselves the myriad of details, yet they’re passionately pro and con and making a strong, heart-felt sales pitch for or against it to their respective, bewildered constituencies.

 Yes, the proverbial line that our hucksters are so good they can sell ice to the Eskimos is truer today than ever before. In Florida there are retired Eskimos living in condos full of ice ordered from an onslaught of compelling, irresistible TV commercials. 

What popped into my mind to write this came from that sea of pop-up online ads that also stream into our consciousness every day, including one warning that the Deadline to Collect My Bonus Dividend was Friday, December 15, but first I had to purchase the Dividend Stock Guide for $49 to know what dividend stock to own.   

I needn’t worry because there is a money back guarantee and if I wasn’t satisfied in the first 60 days, I could get my money back, just like I could return My Pillow if I didn’t experience the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had in my life or the hundreds of other money-back promises about products guaranteed to relieve my pain, help me lose weight or instantly remove bags beneath my eyes for a younger looking me.  All guaranteed with free-return shipping included!  How can you beat that?
I’ll bet many of us Americans buy things we don’t need just for the free return shipping.

Back to that fantastic high-paying dividend stock, I could see the countdown in days, hours, minutes, seconds ticking off before this incredible offer expires. 

 It’s the opposite of the ominously up-ticking Federal debt clock on the Times Square billboard as actor Billy the Kid Devane warns us Calamity is a coming so we’d better have our guns loaded with gold and silver bullets to shoot inflation.

 But wait a minute.  Won’t I have those divine dividends flowing into my bank account for the rest of my life?  My FREE report is about to reveal the name of the safe monthly dividend stock that I can hold forever and leave for my grandchildren.  I can rest assured the company will pay me a dividend EVERY month and a bonus dividend twice a year (December and June).

The promo says If I buy the stock by Dec. 15, I can collect the bonus dividend AND regular monthly dividend in December for extra holiday income.  I’m told there is simply no other stock that can be counted on to pay me 14 dividends per year and provide a growing, safe cash income stream that will last me through my retirement.  And promos don’t lie.  Do they?

All I can say to that incredible offer is THANK YOU and GOD BLESS AMERICA. 

We are not only the masters of selling blocks of ice to retired Eskimos in Florida, but to blockheads everywhere. 


Tom Madden is founder and CEO of the international PR firm, TransMedia Group (www.transmediagroup.com).   His latest book “Is there enough Brady in Trump to win the inSUPERable BOWL?” is available on Amazon.  If you don’t think it’s the best book you’ve ever read, Madden says you can return it. 



Leave a Reply